co-authored with Loopy
In 2024, we both attended an event called The Service Party, hosted by the Empowerment Department. We cooked for each other, enjoyed time in nature together, shared our vows with each other, and discussed our hopes and dreams for the future.
Our shared favorite activity was the Gift Circle. In a Gift Circle, a group gathers to share what gifts they desire to receive and are willing to offer. Gift circles can be held in person or online.
All seven of us sat in the living room, listening intently as we each shared lists of gifts that we would love to offer and desires that we would love to receive. We scribbled in our journals. Whenever we heard an especially resonant offer or desire, our faces lit up.
The magic of the Gift Circle fully hit me (Loopy) as matches were confirmed. YES I would love to help U buy a bass guitar! YES I want U to introduce me to a professional contact U think I should know! YES please give me honest feedback on my game!
There was no negotiation and no compromise, only the joy of giving and receiving. This beautiful activity allowed us to hear and share each other’s desires. It led to exchanging dozens of gifts with each other—some of which were genuinely life-changing.
Participating in Gift Circles has helped me (Loopy) internalize and appreciate the tremendous abundance present among any group of people and between any pair of people. My awareness of this abundance brings me comfort and joy, and I hope to host and participate in many more Gift Circles in my life.
Each person walks away with gifts—gifts to receive, and gifts to offer. U may or may not have known the other participants before the event, but from that point on your lives are woven more closely together.
We want to share the magic of gift circles so that more people can benefit from them, so that the spirit of generosity can spread. This post shares what Gift Circles are, so that U can run or participate in one yourself.
Participating in Gift Circles
To prepare for a Gift Circle, create a list of gifts U would be delighted to offer, and a list of gifts U would be delighted to receive.
Be bold with your list creation! Err on the side of asking for too much rather than too little. U don’t know who might be able to make a version of your desire come true, or who knows someone who might be thrilled to hear your offer.
Here’s the structure of a typical gift circle:
- Check-Ins: Each participant briefly shares how they have arrived at the Gift Circle—whatever feels correct to share.
- Welcoming and Guidelines: The host shares information about gift circles and the event’s timing.
- Desires Round: Participants share their lists of what they would be delighted to receive.
- Offers Round: Participants share their lists of what they would be delighted to give.
- Bids Round: Participants request to fulfill other participants’ offers and desires.
- Decisions Round: Participants accept or decline each others’ requests.
- Check-Outs: Participants share reflections and takeaways from their experience of the Gift Circle.
Here are some guidelines for participating in one:
Be Present: Listen to other participants when they share their offers and desires. Ask clarifying questions if something is unclear.
Be Honest: Say yes to the requested offers and desires that U truly want to engage with, and say no to requests that disinterest U. It is okay to want to receive a gift from one participant but not another. U are responsible for your boundaries.
Be Vulnerable: All kinds of feelings can come up during a gift circle. For example, sharing an offer or desire that does not get fulfilled can feel disappointing. Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings arise during the Gift Circle. Do what U need to take care of yourself.
Follow Up: Exchange contact info with everyone U have made agreements with. Communicate your progress on fulfilling gifts, and communicate as soon as possible if U can no longer fulfill an agreement. Express gratitude for each gift given and received.
Hosting: Make sure that participants know when and where to meet and to create their lists before the event. Keep the event on schedule by communicating the length of each round and guiding participants who share excessively to focus on the essence of their offers and desires. Thank participants for co-creating the Gift Circle and encourage them to follow up on their agreements.
We created a web app that facilitates hosting and participating in Gift Circles! The app allows people to track the progress of everyone’s offers and desires throughout the Gift Circle. U can also fork or contribute to the development of the app here.
Conclusion
Gift Circles are a magical experience. It is a gift to yourself to get clear on what U want to give and what U want to receive, and to courageously share your heart by sharing your offers and desires. It is a joy to experience matches, to witness matches, to anticipate each gift’s fulfillment and to enjoy it wholeheartedly.
Still, Gift Circles are as yet relatively unknown. We don’t want U to finish reading this essay and yet never go on to experience a Gift Circle yourself! We want U to know their joy and magic through personal experience. That is our wish for U!
Thank U to everyone who has joyfully given of themselves for the benefit of others. Thank U to everyone who has joyfully received gifts from others.
May this post inspire a thousand gift circles. Together, may we spread the spirit of generosity, kindness, and service.
Thank U to Loopy for co-authoring this post with me and for developing the Gift Circles app. Thank U to Mary and Anansi for bringing gift circles to the Empowerment Department and our Give Your Gift community, and to Carolyn Elliott’s WEALTH community, where they originally learned about Gift Circles.