today i felt a lot of anger. i left the house to try to calm down and move the anger through my body. i do some rage expression and that brings the anger up in intensity, not down. i start to understand more of why i am angry and clear expression in words starts to feel possible. i text a friend who listens patiently and that makes me feel less alone in what i am going through, less broken for having such an intense response to something seemingly small.
i work from the library for the afternoon, then leave to go to do tai chi at a spot i like, a church with a beautiful grass lawn. as i enter, an elderly Asian couple asks me if i know where a street is. i don’t, i say, but i can help them look. i look it up, and start giving directions, when i realize it’s a bit complicated. i offer to walk them there, and they accept.
i ask them questions as we walk. why they are visiting here. where they live, whether they had kids. what they did professionally. i admire the trees as we walk. they ask me questions, too. i tell them a little bit about myself. somehow the conversation gets surprisingly deep quite quickly. i am genuinely curious about them, as they are about me. i am meeting them for the first time, but i get the sense, as i often do, that we’ve met in past lives.
it’s a short distance, but we walk slowly, as the man has a cane. what would be a ten minute walk for me takes thirty minutes. i don’t mind at all. it’s a beautiful day, as is this city, our walk.
i’m new here, so i don’t know the names of streets yet, but i realize soon enough where we are going. i try my best to shepherd my new friends through the sidewalks, which are quite bumpy and uneven, and away from passing cars.
on the way i learn that they have a reservation at a restaurant. it’s for… now. they will be late. i offer to call the restaurant. it takes a couple of tries, but the restaurant eventually picks up and adjusts the reservation.
the couple speaks to each other in Chinese or Cantonese, i’m not sure which. then they ask if i’d like to join them for dinner. i am surprised, and a little shy. this kind of thing can be hard for me sometimes. but i accept. i want to welcome their generosity and kindness, instead of refusing it.
when we eventually get to the restaurant, i realize that it’s a very, very fancy restaurant. i am underdressed, and say so. the concierge doesn’t seem to mind, and adjusts the reservation from two to three. the woman in the couple says “you’re happy, that’s what matters.”
when i sit down, i confirm that it is a very expensive restaurant. each entree is $50 or more. i reassure myself that they chose to invite me, that they want me to be here.
we all order hot water—they are surprised that i also avoid ice water. the meal comes with a toast—none of us drink alcohol, so they substitute the champagne for a fruit spritzer—and several different kinds of bread. we toast to friendship, and good health.
we share what we get family style. i ordered salmon for the main course. they added a beet salad, sauteed mushrooms, duck confit, a pork dish. the food is… incredible. my favorites are the mushrooms and the duck, which i’ve never had but is delicious. i am so grateful to be here—i would never have come here otherwise.
the conversation continues to be quite good. we trade questions. i hear about their work, their lives. the woman does tai chi, too, and meditation. i ask if they believe in reincarnation. the woman tells me about her mother visiting her in a dream, after she died, to bestow wisdom on her, and I share about my own similar experiences.
i’m most touched by a story she tells about a gift she made for her friend for his birthday: a custom handmade card, with photos of him, and a description of what she loves and appreciates about him, and a $100 gift card for him to an Asian Supermarket, which she says for him to take his grandchildren and buy them treats and have an adventure together. she says she likes to use her time in retirement to express her gratitude to her friends, family, community.
at the end of the meal, they say they are glad that i joined them, that i was good company and that they got to try many more dishes than i would have otherwise. that sets me at ease—i did the right thing by joining them, for all of us.
they call for a ride, and while we wait, we take photos together. they encourage me to take the leftovers home, to share with my dad.