this is a special relationships guide for hyperonline Twitter couples, prompted by a tweet from Inju and a response from QC. this is kind of an unfinished draft, posted 03/21/26—I wanted to post what I have and may edit/improve/add at some point in the future.
i’ve had a number of different relationships that were online. typically, myself and my partner were both active on Twitter. that meant reading each other’s tweets, liking them and replying. subtweeting each other, playfully. exchanging DM’s there. sharing others’ tweets with each other. developing friendships with some of the same people.
at its best, this is lovely. to be in a scene, to play in ways U both enjoy, to have fun together as if U are kids playing on the playground. it can be fun to be a little covert and cryptic about who U are interested in, that U are interested in each other. to let friends in on the inside, to know what’s really happening behind the scenes.
and, at its best, this can develop into highly wife-guy/husband-gal dynamics: an extremely online, public relationship. like Eigen and Selene, for example: a married couple, with a stable and strong, secure marriage, where they both are extremely online, they both tweet a lot, and everyone knows they are married. they’re playing their games together.
at its worst, this can be confusing, emotionally painful. it can hurt to get subtweeted in a way that doesn’t feel good. it can hurt to have your friends know things about U and your love life that U wish they didn’t. it can hurt to fall in love with someone, and then see them go on to love someone else, to play with someone else in a way that U once enjoyed.
it’s weird. there’s a fair bit of norms about dating in person, even if different cultures and subcultures hold them differently, even if not everyone agrees, even if they are still contentious. there’s a general idea, for example, of going on say, a coffee date before a dinner date. waiting a little while to sleep together. a relationship escalator from dating to living together to getting married to having kids.
that’s a standard, predictable narrative! with many deviations of course, and people could have objections to any of what i just said for themselves. but it’s recognizable.
there aren’t really equivalents for what it looks like to navigate a healthy relationship online. the knowledge of what that can look like, or how to get there isn’t well-distributed.
i’ve seen a variety of different ways to handle things, and i have a sense of what I like and what I don’t, how I like to be treated and how I don’t, how I aspire to treat others. so i can put that to words, even if it’s not perfect, even if it’s not what U want for urself, in hopes that it helps others.
so how do U play online with people who U are romantically interested in, flirting with, in a situationship with, dating, or in a committed longterm relationship with? how do U be yourself while respecting the other? what’s right to share, and how, and what’s not? what’s cool to do, and what’s uncool? how do U handle when someone else treats U in a way U don’t like? how can U set up norms for how U like to be treated?
here are a bunch of thoughts i have about the issue. a half-finished GUIDE TO HYPERONLINE DATING, from an extremely online type of guy who’s done a fair bit of it, who’s bumped his head and heart a few times into quite a few walls and hopes U won’t have to.
Playground Metaphor
FOR STARTERS, i think a playground is a good metaphor. the internet is a playground, to play on, a place to learn and grow, a place to find the others. and when U are interested in someone romantically, U have found the others, U found someone U want to play with.
maybe U will end up dating them, maybe U will end up being in a long-term relationship. maybe U will marry them! maybe U will have kids with them! and maybe not.
U don’t know yet. but for whatever reason, U are drawn to them, and they are drawn to U also.
there’s a magnetism bringing U towards each other. there are energies that want to be exchanged. there’s an aliveness that wants to come into the world, something that wants to be catalyzed and given birth to, something that wants to arise and become.
so the question, then, is how to play with someone else. how do U make it so U keep having fun on the playground, and they do, too? how do U keep it fun no matter what happens, whether U get married to them or decide to stop talking entirely. what’s fair game and what’s foul play?
- U should mutally decide how public or private U want to be about your flirtationship / situationship / relationship. respect each other’s privacy
- u should actively seek to understand and honor each other’s boundaries about what U each feel comfortable sharing or not
- assuming U have public accounts, everyone can see your tweets; act accordingly
- it can be fun to have a secret in public (e.g. that U are dating)
- still, U should assume people can discern from your interactions that U are into each other
- it can be weird/hurtful to see someone U are dating posting if they left U on read
- be considerate in how U show up online.
- assume that your partner is reading your posts
- assume that your partner’s friends are reading your posts
- and post with them in mind.
- still, everyone needs the freedom to post and express themselves freely. just know that what U do has an impact on the other person
- anyone should be able to ask at any time, what did you mean, was this about me
- anyone should be able to share at any time how something made them feel
- in general being online together is fun but is no replacement for being together in person, is at best a preparation for or a compliment to a real world, in-person, online relationship
- if U need to at any point, U can mute or block someone
Conclusion
may U and your partner be happy together online. may U learn to play online in ways that feel fun and alive. may U both be truly happy ❤️
Thank U to Inju and QC for inspiring this post.
The art in this post was created by SĂlvia Bastos, and is licensed under a CC BY 2.0 license. You can support her work on Patreon.Â