i try my best to be a good friend to my friends. as the Service Guild Oath says, “i aspire to treasure my friends with fierce love and loyal devotion.”
i’ve put a lot of work over the years into learning how to be a good friend. i’m not perfect, of course, and i’m always learning, but i try really hard to be a good friend.
increasingly, I realize I want to receive that kind of friendship too. that the ways I love people are the ways I want to be loved.
and i’m not always great at communicating my needs, or expressing my desires.
so this post is an attempt to communicate how to be a good friend to me in particular. i’ll think of this post as a stub, that I can add to over time as I learn more about myself, and what kind of friendship I like to receive.
so, without further ado, here’s how to be a good friend to Tasshin:
- i like to do emotional check-ins, at the start of calls or spending time together. share how U are, how U really are, what’s on your heart and mind. ask how I am, really listen, feel what I say, respond to what seems vulnerable or important, ask about what U are curious about. this helps me harmonize with U, knowing where U are at, and also sharing where I am at and being met there.
- ask me questions. show me what U are curious about. ask specific questions, that steer the direction towards what’s mutually interesting. listen to my answers. offer reflections. if something I say makes an impact on U, I would invite U to remember it, write it down, even share it with someone else who it would benefit also. maximum deep benefit!
- i love compliments! specific, clear, honest compliments are a love language for me.
- try to be attuned to me. listen to me, notice what I’m feeling, use theory of mind. match my vibe and the context we’re in (while showing up as your authentic self, meeting your own needs and boundaries)
- believe in me as I believe in U, empower me as I try to empower U! see me, understand me. know what I’m doing in the world. see if there are specific ways U can help me, support my vow 🪄
- know what The Service Guild is. know what the Love, Curiosity, Empowerment Departments are. know who’s in The Service Guild, who my friends that I collaborate with are. look for ways to help them and The Guild overall.
- DWYSYWD. have integrity. if U make me a commitment or promise, please follow through. if that looks like it will be difficult, we can definitely revisit the commitment, just please tell me and let’s renegotiate
- if we make an appointment or have a call, please show up on time. I value my time and yours and I try my best to be punctual. if U are going to be late, or need to cancel/reschedule, that’s ok, things happen, please just let me know in advance, as soon as possible.
- read my writing! if there’s something I’ve written about a topic U are actively interested in, I’d be touched if U read it, shared how it impacted U with me. i have blog posts and books and novels and they’re all great!
- send me messages! share links, pictures of where U are, tell me what’s on your heart. I’ll respond as I’m able, sharing how I am too. i love staying in touch with my friends all over the world through the power of the internet. we may not be physically near each other but we can be close in heart. 💌
- i love when my friends hold space for me to talk excitedly about something or think aloud, even if it’s not not necessarily intrinsically interesting to them—staying connected to my excitement, happiness, creative process. only do if and when it feels good for U, obviously!
- if U are in any of my feeds, know that I love it when U read my feeds, react to them (I love lots and lots of emoji reacts!), ask questions, remember what I share and reference it in our conversations
- if we’re on Twitter, play with me! reply to my tweets! quote-tweet them! show me your tweets and threads that U think are relevant, and I’ll share mine!
- when we spend time together, let’s make sure to get a picture together! i treasure all the pictures I have of times I spent with my friends over the years. 📸
- things I like: cacao, touch (hugs and cuddling, massage), EDM, visual art, Tai Chi, tasty food, books, games, good stories, good questions, jokes.
- things I love to do with friends: co-work, have long conversations, collaborate on projects, dance, clown/do improv, make music, draw, go for walks and hikes, meditate together, go for a run, watching movies.
- if we have a difficult challenge or a rupture in our friendship, ask for a REPAIR conversation. REPAIR is a structured framework for surfacing ruptures and repairing them by Dr. Hazel-Grace Yates. 💜
i hope that this post helps U to be a better friend to me, which will deepen our friendship. feel free to tell me anything specific about how to be a good friend to U, too!
perhaps this post will help U to be a better friend to your other friends, also.
may our friendships always deepen! may our friendships bring us joy! may our friendships serve the world!
The art in this post was created by Sílvia Bastos, and is licensed under a CC BY 2.0 license. You can support her work on Patreon.